MiSHMaSH

ONE DAY TRAVELLING & SHOPPING TO HATYAI (FOR MALAYSIAN)

2011-06-08T23:51:00.000-07:00

DESTINATION:

1) Tang Kuan Hill (Like Bukit Bendera in Malaysia?)

2) Songkhla

3) Ice Dome (A cold dome that makes U feel like Ur in the North Pole. U can also enjoy the scenery U see only in pictures before. Its planted with all kinds of plants/flowers U can only see overseas.)

4) Floating Market (Get into a boat & cruise along the river, buying food, clothes etc along the route. It's a different & unique experience I'm sure U'll never forget!)

5) Shopping in Hatyai (What more can I say? It's shopping! There's so much to buy, at amazingly low prices. Be sure to bring lots of money to shop.)

DURATION:

1 day (Gather at Padang Besar in the morning to take off & will be back from Hatyai before 10pm the same day)

DATE:

Anytime U want, but only on Saturday & Sunday.

CAPACITY:

Every I trip/group is for 14 people only. U can tag along with strangers or U can join in with Ur family, friends or lover, we don't mind. As long as we gather enough 14 people on that day, it's on. If Ur alone, don't worry, we are the one responsible to try & find the other 13 travellers.

PROVIDED:

Tour guide fluent in Bahasa Melayu & Thai. Some can speak English fairly well. I need to remind U, we're only responsible for Ur travelling & communication, not Ur expenses.

MEAN OF TRANSPORTATION:

Comfortable van in terms of space & entertainment (There's a even a TV in there, OK?)

PRICE:

RM60 per people

REQUIREMENT:

Border pass is a must. U have to make it Urself prior to the trip. International passport / VISA is better if available. U'll have to come at the pick-up point / gathering center at Padang Besar by Urself on time. Punctuality is very important.

If interested or wants more information, feel free to call/text my mum Rison (012-5825812) or just comment here k...

Keeping the Faith

2011-03-03T21:53:00.001-08:00

I feel like dying

My entire being aching with unbearable pain

Why does it had to rain?

I want to go home

I want to belong

Why is it so different now?

When I had already fallen to the ground

Just as I thought I had faced the worse

Earth started swallowing me whole

I need to scream

I need to hurt

I need to do something

Please let me free of this frustration

I want to go back

I want to stay the same

What have I done?

I stay strong

Offering smiles and promises

I believe in the unseen future

Is it wrong for me to succumb to fear just for this once?

Thoughts running wild

Faith started wavering

Uncertainty assaulting

Taking control; everything

Even I have doubts

But I remember the warmth

Give me assurance

Give me shelter

I see hope

I clutch on the familiar piece of faith

And I could still be brave

I found my strength to bear the pain

And I prayed.

Stay.

I will keep fighting.

If You Leave

2011-03-03T21:51:00.001-08:00

If you leave,

I would still breathe.

I would still laugh.

I would still be alive.

I would still go on.

Because that is me.

That is how it’s supposed to be.

I need to make you and everyone happy.

So I survive.

But because you left,

My existence lost it meaning.

Breathing is hard.

Happiness is gone.

Life is empty.

Sometimes I wish I was dead.

If only, if only I'm brave enough to end my life.

Now I can’t even live or die.

Do you think I’m happy?

Thinking - I fake everything, bear everything as I crumbles alone.

Wondering - How could you leave me for my sake?

Hoping – Waiting for a miracle.

Wanting – Nobody but you.

First (Damned) Glance

2011-03-03T21:49:00.005-08:00

I can’t stop it

I can’t help it

I can’t hide it

I fell for you

You are my biggest present

Wrapped in ribbons

I know I love only you the moment I saw you

I will stay by you

Make your world shine

Let me be your colour

Allow me to take away all the pain

I can’t block it

I can’t save it

I can’t reject it

My heart wants you

You are my greatest desire

Awakened from the deep of my heart

I know I want only you the moment I saw you

I will stay by you

Make your world vibrant

Let me be your everything

Allow me to give all the bliss there is

I can’t erase it

I can’t change it

I can’t end it

I still love you

You’re someone else’s

Words of confession escapes my lips

Exchange of touches

Substituting the love I can’t get

You look at someone else

Beat of emotions thrashes my heart

I love you

I love you even if the world end today

I love you

I love you even if I lose my all

I love you

I love you so much I die.

Forever (With You)

2011-03-03T21:49:00.003-08:00

The only reasons I have stayed with you is because I love you.

The only truth behind my faith for you is because I trust you.

The only logic behinds my love would be because it’s you.

Despite the distance, despite the unknown, despite the fear…

Be strong knowing that I will always be with you.

Silent Pleas of a Broken Heart

2011-03-03T21:48:00.001-08:00

The pain in my heart

The ache that reminds me of my pitiful existence

How can you inflict such misery?

The unstoppable tears

The silent cry of my stupid feelings

How can I still feel the same?

Please.

Come back.

Look at me.

And love me again.

The Beating of My Heart

2011-03-03T21:47:00.000-08:00

People said I’m delirious. People said we’re mad. People said it’s wrong.

But I used to be scared. I used to feel alone. I used to think that I’m worthless.

All that changed when you walked into my life. You’re the light that saved me from the dark. The only sun in my life.

Sometimes I make mistakes; forgive me. Sometimes I hurt you; it breaks my heart. Sometimes I doubt you; I have no faith in myself.

I’m sorry for my insecurity, fear and weaknesses; please understand me. You’ve always been the most important thing for me; the one I treasured the most. Without you my heart bleeds; dying.

You make me believe in myself because I have your trust. You make me strong because I have your support. You make me happy because I make you smile.

My days are wonderful after I met you. It is beautiful because I have you. Everyday is so overwhelming because of you.

No matter what we do. No matter where we are. No matter what happen.

Don’t turn your back on me. Don’t stop believing. Always keep the faith.

I’ll never leave you. I’ll never choose another. I’ll never waver from us.

How can I let go of what we had when it’s the only thing I have?

How can I let you go when you’re the reason behind my happiness?

How can I move on without you who had become the reason of my breathing?

How can I let you go when nothing and nobody could ever be compared to you?

How can I erase my feelings for you when you’re the only one that makes me feel?

Can’t you see? Does the words of love really necessary when I can give you more than just words? Does the need for confirmation is still necessary when you own everything?

I’d given you my heart, my life and my everything. I would always be yours until the end of time. I would always love you, now and forever.

Yours truly. Cassiopeia of my heart. Eternally.

PS: Cassiopeia is the name of a constellation consisting of 5 stars that lead travellers to Polaris.

7 Things About You

2011-03-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

It really is hard to remember

(All the pain, the disappointment, the hurt, the loneliness, the lies, the misery, the betrayal, you…)

Still, harder to try and forget

(The joy, the promises, the touch, the silliness, the hope, the excitement, the company, you…)

Why is it so?

It is hard to stay in love with you

(All the jealousy, the doubt, the fear, the stupidity, the scar, the uncertainty, the fight, you…)

Still, harder to try and hate you

(The feelings, the laughter, the dreams, the surprise, the need, the happiness, the warmth, you…)

How can it be?

ABNORMALITY (Doubt)

2011-03-03T21:43:00.001-08:00

The first encounter; expectant.

The first date; exciting.

The first touch; enthralling.

The first hug; passionate.

The first kiss; captivating.

The first union; obsessive.

The first love: mistake.

Would you choose me; when we are so wrong together?

Would you fight for me; when we are so broken together?

Would you wait for me; when we are so deviant together?

Would you still love me; when the whole world stood between us?

This is just a thought - Just a thought

2011-03-03T21:41:00.000-08:00

Do not afraid to lose in love- Deserted on your own – It’s beautiful even though you fail.

But be terrified of losing when you hate – Nothing’s heavier than anger – Ugly and regretful as it kills you inside.

For Your Beautiful Future

2011-03-03T21:40:00.000-08:00

Do not listen to people around you – even those you’re willing to gamble your life for

Feel instead the overwhelming emotion – coming from the depth of your silent heart

So that if in the end you only got hurt, you had been blessed enough to know it was for the right reason.

Do not follow the anger and fear you had – though you had had enough and start to wilt

Find the support of love – from the simplest thing in life

So that even if you’re lost, you will not close your eyes in regret.

Do not care of the burden trapping you - as much as it haunt you in your wake and dream

But pay attention to what you want - what your heart always been screaming for

So that even if you stumble, at least you fall for the right reason.

Gentle Reminders

2011-03-03T21:38:00.002-08:00

Take my advice with you - Plant this reminder in you

For I wish you happiness and never regret

As I trust my shield of forgiveness to see the last of love blooms (inside of you and the others).

Be stubborn with you conviction,

As flexible you could be with your option.

Be powerful in your pursuit,

As gentle you could become in your affection.

Always know that you will hurt and bleed – It’s only rightful to feel unfair – Selfishness and confusion will start

But keep your stride and never falter

Even as the world oppose – you stand alone and scared – use the courage of the heart

And be sure that the end will forever be within your aim.

Advices from the Heart

2011-03-03T21:38:00.000-08:00

Be cautious of devilish whispers

It can destroy - the strongest desire – deepest trust – even the truest faith in men’s life.

Be wary of little insecurities

It will cloud – the sweetest memories – virtuous promises – even the purest hopes in men’s heart.

Be careful of dangerous distance

It bring forth – the craziest doubts - ridiculous ideas – even wickedest suspicions in men’s thought.

AKTF4TVXQ

2010-08-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

There are no tears I can shed to describe this pain
No smile left to paint this love
But my heart is still beating
And it calls your name - the four word - without fail.

CONFUSION

2010-07-07T02:26:00.000-07:00

Isn't it weird, that although you knew it's not going anywhere, you still hold on to it? Although it's suffocating for the both of you, you still insist? I'm a believer in love and happy-ever-after but tell me, how does yours count? If you keeps on doubting, questioning, tailing him? You expect to find his mistakes and evidence of his bad deeds and yet when you do, you cry and you fight, still, you refuse to let go. I'm tired of watching. you mean so much to me. How can you keeps on torturing yourself, and him? That love is disastrous. If there's no faith, if there's only pride and desire, how can it survive? All those curiosity that you nurtured. You let your mind wander. Your imagination takes over. Your faith waver. And I no longer care to reason, because I know you knew. He's a player, and not a very good one at all, but you chose to stay, and willingly let him trap you. As an exchange, you trap him with your obsession. The both of you are crazy, sickeningly crazy, playing with fire, arguing and making up only to repeat the cycle again. I know it hurts, because I've seen you cry and lose your mind, I've seen your worse that i thought impossible. How can when even we two asked you to stop, you still consider? How can you choose him over us? That is your choice. And disappointed and frustrated as we are, we accepted it because we love you. Just stop, stowing us see the broken you. If it's pain and misery that you yourself want to feel, why does you stil want to burden us with the suffering in your teary eyes? Why do you want us to know? Stop telling us all your feelings and fear. STOP. Please.

Questions Needed To Be Answered

2010-04-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

I like it when you look my way. Though of course, I feel like an idiot. My chest are exploding. My cheeks are burning. I tried hard not to stumble on my ways. I really do try my hardest to look indifferent and cool in your eyes, instead of looking like a complete idiot. Why the sudden need for your approval?
I don't want your attention. But I want your affection. Is it even possible?
I don't feel jealousy of any kind but I want you to come to me.
How can I name this feeling? This wanting of mine? It's weird.
I like you but I don't love you? Or is it I love you but I don't want you?
Perhaps it's I want you but I don't want you to be mine?
Am I not ready? Or am I just still searching for the one?

Letusan Bara.

2010-03-29T01:39:00.000-07:00

Motifnya aku dipergunakan.
Motifnya aku dipersalahkan.
Motifnya aku diabaikan.
Motifnya aku diperbodohkan.
Kesimpulannya aku menyusahkan diri.
kesimpulannya aku menyeksa diri.
Kesimpulannya aku tak dipedulikan.
Kesimpulannya aku memperbodohkan diri.

Stupid Feeling. Wish Of Zero Existence.

2010-03-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

I wish I could go back time.
To the time where I'm still at the kindergarten. Being so innocent. Having fun. Living life to the fullest.
Never did I notice, nor cared about the pain and misery this world suffers.
I wish I could go back time.
To the time where I was at the primary school. My world revolves around my small village and my dear friends. At least I can always be noticed, that my existence do have a meaning. Not just a fleeting detail.
I wish I could go back time.
To the time where I was in the secondary school. The time where if I'm weak, there's no need to refrain myself from falling because someone will catch me. At least I am cared for and my world are not entirely empty. Someone would sense my insecurity and accompany me in my darkest hours.
I wish I could stop crying. I wish I could stop worrying. I wish I could stop hurting. I wish someone would come for me. I wish someone could see me. I wish someone is here for me. I wish someone would know. I wish I could learn. I wish I could forget. I wish I could change. I wish I can be free.
Am I not capable of being understood and loved? Could someone point me the real me? Did anyone realise my ever-changing personalities, my unstabilised moods and actions? I'm lost.
Life is hard and it would always gets harder. As hard as I try, I could not appreciate the present though I know the future would be worse and I'll miss the past. Why should I? Where had all that leads to? The pices of the memory seems unfit with the real time.
As much as I like to, I don't want to die. As much as my addiction on hurting my body, I'm scared of dying and pain.
But I'm equally scared of waking up. I wonder... Would anyone notice my disappearance? If I was never born...
I wish I had never existed. Then I would never feel anything. The constant sufferings, the ephemeral joy. Then I would never have to make choices. I'll never have to be strong. I'll never have to pretend and deserted my real self until in the end, I'm vacant as I can be. In the end, I have no one by my side. Not even myself. And all those people in this world, can never pity me if they can't even feel me.

Kerana Lagu ToHoShinKi - Stand by You

2010-02-25T01:43:00.000-08:00

Lagu yang dia suruh aku dengar tu memang sangat aku suka. Stand By You oleh ToHoShinKi. Tapi maaf, aku tak dapat terima kalau kau nak aku samakan lagu itu dengan situasi kau. Tak ada satu pun yang sama. Kau tak layak pun nak gunakan lagu tu.
Perasaan yang tak terluah kerana sudah tidak boleh diluahkan, perasaan tidak mengetahui kerana dia sudah pergi, perasaan ditinggalkan kerana dia pergi tanpa apa-apa tanda ataupun mengucapkan selamat tinggal, perasaan kehilangan dan kekecewaan yang teramat kerana dia sudah tiada di sisi kau..... Satu pun aku tak dapat nak samakan dengan kau.
You are not qualified to feel like you can no longer tells me you love me. You can still tell me, I'm still the same, I'm still here. The only difference is that you had let me go, you had chosen that path. Therefore, I would no longer replies saying I love you too. Because I no longer do. And you are not man enough to take risk even now, you have not dared to start over from the start. As strangers. If you love me like the man in the song really feels, he would have done anything to make her come back to him, even if he knows she might not want him anymore he would come clean about it, confessing to her and doing everything he can. I'm not saying this because I want you to, but if you can't do that, don't you understand you have no right to keep giving me "wrong messages" and etc as a clue for me to guess. You're scared of getting hurt and rejected, you just wanted to give me clues. If I guess correctly and said you wanted me back, you're reaction is going to be based on the fact whether I still want you or not, am I not correct? Be a man. Don't you remember all the rejection I undergone for you before? It's because I love you back then I don't mind. That is what you do when you're in love. You no longer thinks the right way. At least now I don't regret anything cause I had done anything I can for us. What, you think I still love you and I would come running like I used to when you give me all those hints? When I love you, I don't mind doing everything but when I no longer do, you can't pressured me to still love you like this. If you do, I can't be friend with you anymore.
You are not qualified to feel stupid and unknowing, wanting to know what I'm doing and feelings because you can know what I'm doing, you can tell what I'm feeling. Once, I loved you with all my heart, I asked for a break up but though I still think it's your fault, I swallowed my pride and I beg for you to take me back. For three months! I even asked you to accept me back even when I'm already starting to feel nothing. Now? We are still friends, we can text and call each others. Only as friends. Now you no longer had the rights to feels and wants to know all of that. You have given up your rights to love me when you hold on to your anger and pride, choosing them than me all the times I begs for us to be together again. You can't even understand your feelings, how can I hope for you? The man in the song doesn't know where the girl is, he is restless, he can't do anything but you? I had said I love you, you said you love me too but you ended up letting me go, not me leaving you. The girl in the song never come back, but I did and you treat me like a distant acquaintance. And now it is too late.
You are not qualified to feel like lost and abondoned because I have always given you sign of how much I love you. You're the one who had always doubted me. I've said my goodbye, and I come back to you countless times but you said your heart had died, the love had gone and I'm no longer in your heart. We can only be friends. That's what you said. Why did you have to hurt me that much that time? You could have just said let's take a break time, let's calm ourselves first, or let's be friends for now, when the time comes if we still love each other we'll go back the way before? Why can't you say something like that? Now you wanted to say your heart had survived and your love is still for me?! Don't joke around like that. I'm the one who's abandoned. You broke the promises, you're the one who said you'll fight for me but in the end, it's always me fighting for us. If you never said it, then I won't hold it on you but you did and it makes my heart ache. The man in the song would keep his promises, but the girl had gone, left him wanting to still keep the promises they made though now he no longer can't. The man would have fought for her, but he wasn't given a chance. You on the other hand, waste that chance.
You are not qualified to feel like your world had been torn apart cause it is my world who had been torn apart back then. The man in the song said that because his girl had left him, but you? You should have felt that when I asked to break up but why when I wanted to come back, you chased me away? The man in the song are just waiting, still hoping for the girl to come back but you did the exact opposite the man would had done. All the time that I still love you, I beg for you and asked for your forgiveness, I was living in hell. You? Even if your life are miserable, you won't admit it. You are too cocky, too ignorant and had too muh pride, aren't you? Now after I am living happily as a solo, you want to tell me your life are insufferable that I'm not by your side? So what? If it's intolerable, you would have done more than giving clues, don't you think? You are not matured enough to love. At least not me.
I'm not in love right now, I don't love anyone. You have the same chance with everyone, anyone at all that would, that might love me. The only difference would be, the effort and the chemistry.
P.S.: LOVE THAT SONG! TVXQ FOREVER!!!!!

No One.

2010-02-08T08:59:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to jump and shout.
I've been feeling a bit down for a while.
I've been wanting to hurt them and hug the others.
I've been feeling really lost and confused.
I've been wanting to let go and have fun. But,
No one I know is near.
No one I love is here.
No one can see me and feel me.

Kenangan

2010-01-29T08:18:00.000-08:00

Bulan seolah menangis, setiap kali kami bertemu.
Bintang seolah lupa, setiap kali kami berjanji.
Langit seolah bisu, setiap kali kami berbicara.
Dan malam seolah hilang, saat kami mengeluh.
Gelapnya tirai malam, tidak akan sehitam noda semalam.
Keindahan yang ada, cantiknya terlalu mengasyikkan..
Menjerat perasaan, malangnya tidak akan pernah tergapai oleh manusia.
Aku lemah, lalu tewas dalam keinginan.
Aku keliru, lantas kalah dalam sebuah permainan.
Sesungguhnya hidup ini satu perjudian, tetap satu ketentuan.
Bahayanya merosakkan kesucian, akan melemahkan kepercayaan.
Melahirkan aku yang putus harapan.

Ironic

2010-01-24T02:14:00.000-08:00

See.
I told you so.
They do love me.
They care.
They want me.
I've always known you're wrong.
No need to apologise.
No need for that dumb-founded look.
I don't need any of it.
I guees you wanted me to say that.
It's better, it's preferrable.
Than let the reality struck me.
It's not a big deal.
You see.
I know.
They didn't love me.
Yes.
You're right.
And I've always known.

Wishing Upon The Star

2010-01-21T07:54:00.000-08:00

I only wish my existence grant someone a sense of belonging and triumph. Every time I come around his lips would curve a smile so sweet.
Someone that felt the same way as me.
Who always believe that we are one and meant to be.
I wish my existence would be the reason for each breath he took.
As long as I’m his, nothing could ever bring him down.
He's unbreakable cause he know he'll always have me.
It's something special only he can see.
I wish I would one day meet the one whose only his existence could gave me confidence and power.
And everything of him become so serene, so private
owned by me.
No one could understand purely because he belongs to me.
Someone I can show my true self and fond of my flaw.
Someone who wanted me to depend on him and despise my acting of being so strong.
If I’m broken he would always picks me up and stands by my side.
Someone who’s able to fix me.

Trust

2010-01-21T07:24:00.000-08:00

I want you to trust me
Even if I can't be true to you.
Know that I'll never betray you.

Time can be rough.
Circumstances can be too much.
But if you love me the way I love you
We will survive.

Perfect Mystery

2010-01-21T07:19:00.000-08:00

Love is such a mystery,
I love you so much I wanted to hurt you.
I need to know how far you'd go for me.
I trust you more than I ever trust anyone, even myself.
Yet I can't help but feels so exposed.
I'm weak and wanted you to be strong.
Still, I crave for you to fall
so that I can catch you & be the reason for your existence.
Since when did I become so selfish?
I'm sorry I know I'll be testing you forever.
I just wanted you to cry for me.
Crazy over me.
Bleed for me.
But in the end
I only wish you to be happy.
To be mine.
And I'll keep protecting you,
smiling for you,
holding you close to me so tenderly.

...

2009-11-07T17:37:00.000-08:00

Can I say what I felt?
Can I truly be honest... I wonder?
I refuse to hurt other's feelings
but it's not like I care to pretend.
No. If I dislikes you, you'll know.
Nonetheless
please understand this.
I still want to be your friends.
I still want to care for you.
It is just that you have to see
I am human too
and we're all are not alike.
I can't relates to you
Sometimes I can't accept your action nor your words
It's bothering me.
You have to realise
I'm not perfect.
How can you possibly expect me to treat everyone the same?
Those who needs me the most...
I'll stand by them even if that means I'll stand alone.
I'll be there even if that means I'm opposing the world.
But you are not one of them.
You can survive on your own...
So stop feeling sorry for yourself and trying to understand
because you just can't.

To My Dear Roommate called Siha

2009-11-06T09:16:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry my dear
because I can't be with you right this moment,
sharing your pain and tears.
I'm really sorry my dear
because I don't know what had happened
and how you must have felt.
It must be lonely,
it must be scary
to be you now.
I'm really sorry my dear
because I can't find the words to calm you down
I can't find ways to stop the suffering
I can't even gives you anything to make you forget.
I'm sorry my dear
Because I'm just another small, insignificant person
whose existence could not even help ease your misery.
I'm just a stranger,
I can't protect you,
I can't make everything go away.
I can't even be by your side.
Again, I'm really sorry my dear.
I don't know what I should do and say.
I can't give you my sympathy,
I can't even be empathic.
I know it's not enough anyway.
No matter how hard I search
the only thing that keeps on lingering in my mind
is the phrase "I'm sorry"...

Depth of This Love

2009-11-05T21:25:00.000-08:00

It's making me terrified
How much I love you.
I'm losing myself
I'm hurting us both.
We're both so different
It's hard to picture us together forever.
But still, that was the reason we've been together.
Falling in love with you
was a wrong thing I did willingly.
The pain this love brings are too much for me
But I won't give up.
I think this is a test which we need to pass for us to survive
So how can I just leave it unanswered?
I want you in my life so badly
I no longer care if it hurts.
I hope you can be mine and always have faith
Because I know we can make it.
I'm still scared
I can't help but cry.
But it's already too late
I need you to breathe.
So please I beg you never give up on me just because of the little pains we feel.
I put my trust in you
I''ll be blind to everything.
I'll be ignorant of everything else.
Always believe me.
Because what we got and what we could achieve
worths everthing we sacrifice.

The Courage For You

2009-11-05T21:08:00.000-08:00

I always know I'm not perfect
I guess you're tired of loving me.
You're disappointed
and I guess you might be bored already.
I guess it's true,
I have to admit
Sometimes I cry for all the little things.
Sometimes I'm mad for all the wrong reason.
Sometimes I sulk all too much you can't stand it anymore.
Baby
I'm really sorry.
I guess you never know
That you are the best things in my life.
You grant me confidence,
You give me warmth.
Your existence means everything to me.
How everyday could pass by
unnoticeable with you by my side.
I guess you never see
Instead of saying
I love you
I said
I hate you.
Instead of holding you
close to me
I push you
away from me.
Instead of spoiling you
with my love
I hurt you
with my distance.
I guess you never understood
The reason can only be I'm too stupid
I guess I'm too scared.
I'm still guessing
whether you truly love me.
I don't have the courage
to take the risk before I'm sure.
If I open up to you
You might leave me alone.
It's a possibility I still can't bear.
But I guess it's true
Somehow I had already love you
so much I'll guess I'll have to take the risk now
Instead of letting you walk away...

Jatuh Cinta

2009-11-02T10:07:00.003-08:00

Bila aku jatuh cinta...
Aku akan lupa diri.
Seluruh minda dan hati aku cuma akan dipenuhi dengan “dia”...
Kehilangan diri...
Pasti akan terjadi, bila aku jatuh cinta.

SEDETIK YANG BERLALU

2009-11-02T09:49:00.001-08:00

Sedetik berlalu lagi
Seribu penderitaan
Secebis memori yang membebani
Kekosongan hati yang mendalam
Kerinduan yang terpendam
Seolah terlalu panjang masa berjalan.
Ketakutan yang dirasai
Kepiluan di hati
Kenangan silam yang hitam
Masih jelas terbayang dalam ingatan.
Wajah suram berbekas tangisan
Kehilangan pengenalan diri
Kesucian yang dicemari
Gelak tawa berganti sendu pilu
Setiap nafas yang dihela seolah-olah mengingatkan
Semalam tak mungkin berulang,
Dan sedetik ini sedang berlalu pergi...

Why

2009-11-02T09:26:00.000-08:00

I’m crying, didn’t I?
I can hear them talk
Sometimes whispering
And I knew they are true.

Being so strong,
Once I act and now I’ve gone
What have I become?

Trying to forget
And filling the missing pieces
But I remember and failed.

I wanted to go back
But where to?
Am I not at home?
I wanted to be forgiven
But from whom?
What for?

I am hurt
now I’m lost
And could never be found again…

MY PRAYER

2009-11-02T09:17:00.001-08:00

Oh I pray for a kiss so strong but love so gentle.
An embrace so tight but felt so timid.
A touch so persuasive yet feels so warm.
A control so wild but yearning so delightful.
A feeling of vulnerability but prudent that he gave only to me.

Oh just let me be lost in the feelings of dependency.
Let me suffocate with this oblivious trust.
Let me drown deeper in the despair of jealousy.
Let me be mystified with the beautiful pain of frustration.
Let me be trapped in this path of no turning back.
Let me be helpless and restless in this innocence addiction called love.

FOR YOU

2009-11-02T09:13:00.001-08:00

Do you know how much I love you?
There’s nothing you want I won’t give
There’s nowhere you go I won’t follow
Only you make me lose all control
Makes me tremble and stumble
Only you can give me warmth and protection
Makes me safe and secure
You make my heart stop beating everytime I see you smile
I’ll stay by you even if you’re wrong
Just let me stay and be with you
I’ll forgive you even if you’ve done wrong
Just don’t hurt me again, please...
But even the misery caused by you felt so pleasurable.
Whatever you do, you’ll always have me
I would never leave you
I won’t let you all alone
We were meant to be together
Open up your heart and let me in
Just please let me in
I love you so much
I could only hope you do too.

Beautiful Mine

2009-11-01T23:49:00.000-08:00

Your lips so dry yet feel so good,
I can’t erase the taste from my mouth.
Your touch so tender and subtle,
Irresistibly I just can’t get enough.
You’re sweating but the smell is so addictive,
I’m yearning to get closer to you.
Your warm breath are melting me,
I am lost in this feeling of insanity.
Your desires are mounting,
I am helplessly feeling exposed.
You’re losing control,
Still I can feel you protecting me.
It is true,
Now I admit defencelessly.
You are so rewarding I enjoys the feelings of power,
Even when I surrender...

NOTE: For me this is sweet, but I know it's quite obscene and some might not really be able to accept this so just ignore it. I don't care. But just a reminder, for me this is just a sweet confession of something innocence called love. Not more than that. Thank You.

How I wish you would look at me, just once would be enough.

2009-10-15T21:52:00.000-07:00

Ada seorang perempuan namanya Cinta.
Dia sendirian dan sunyi.
Dia dikecewakan oleh Harapan dan menjadi matang kerana Realiti.
Kini Mimpi datang bertandang.
Cinta keliru lagi.

My Crush here in Faculty of Education!

2009-09-13T21:49:00.000-07:00

Aku sangatlah sukakan dia. Suka tengok rambut hitam dia. Suka tengok badan dia... Eh! Bukan bodynya yang jadi ukuran tapi ketinggian dia tau, jangan memandai fikir benda lain! Rasanya dah ada girlfriend tapi MOJ (mak ok je). Hehe. Bukannya aku nak menggatal dengan dia pun atau apa2, cuma suka tengok je, jamu mata la katakan. (Astaghfirullahalazim.. Bulan2 puasa pun nak jugak buat dosa!!) Dia jelah eye candy aku tau sekarang ni. Suka gila tengok dia. Dia agak putih, tapi tak putih macam sesetengah yang aku tak suka tu. Comel!!! Dia suka senyum (amatlah manis senyuman dia!) tapi selalu jugak tengok dia serius/selamba je. Muka dia nampak amatlah kacak sekali! Nampak matang dan... Er, apa ya? Entahlah. Yang pasti aku tertarik nak tengok dia. Aku rasa sweet sangat. Aku selalu rasa belas dan macam nak protect je dia tu. Bagi aku dia tu sangat innocence. Entahlah. Pandangan mata dan hati aku yang rasa macam tu. (Aduh. Lain macam je ni? Haha.) Jarang jugak jumpa dia tapi kadang2 terasa macam dia perasan je aku tengok dia tapi aku pun apa lagi, buat2 tak tahu dan tak kenal. Tapi sesungguhnya aku tak tahu nama dia, tak ambik tahu pun. Nampak sangat betapa tak bertanggungjawabnya aku dengan eye candyku yang satu ni. Tahu tengok je pandai. Hehe.

6

2009-09-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

Should I be happy?
Sometimes laughing,
enjoying what life brings.
At times crying,
reminiscing what life stole.
I used to be whole,
before I'm broken.
But I think I should, shouldn't I be happy?
Because at least I have lived.
I once love and loved.
I have dreams and still I do.
There's uncertainty for the future,
misery for the past
but its ok with me..

5

2009-09-07T20:57:00.000-07:00

I promise,
Truly its a promise.
I will love only you.
Now that we've met,
Love belong to us only.

I promise,
Truly its a promise,
I will not lie.
Now that I know you felt the same,
I will fight to win.

I promise,
Truly its a promise,
I will never choose another.
Now that I have you,
Nothing else matters.

I promise,
Truly its a promise,
I will always be here.
Now that we're together,
Nothing can break me anymore.

I promise,
Truly its a promise,
I will die if you stop loving me.
Now that you're mine,
My life is too precious to give away.

I promise,
Truly its a promise,
I will never leave you.
Now that my heart beat with yours,
Wherever you'll go I will follow.

4

2009-09-07T20:49:00.000-07:00

I can take the tears,
I can accept the pain,
I'm not upset,
that won't bother me.

Losing you was what hurting me.

Knowing its over,
When loving you was all I wanted to do,
Left me here breakable.

Come, and be my prince
once again.

I pretended,
but I've been watching you.
Don't walk away.
I'm still here.

There are memories I wish I forget,
There are things I've done i wish I never did,
We both regret
but still if I can,
I'll repeat those with you once more.

I can't deal this emptiness,
I can't tolerate this anymore.

You never realise what could have been.
You never see I'm only trying to love you.
You never know.
Why did you walk away?

3

2009-09-07T20:45:00.000-07:00

I'll love you forever,
Promise me you'll love me right.

If I told you what's wrong,
Tell me that it's fine.

Can you handle my insecurity?
Accept my vulnerability?

Don't take me for granted,
I am not your possession.

Don't wait till my love grow away,
Take a stand, now.

I'll stay with you,
Just come find me, can you?

2

2009-09-07T20:32:00.000-07:00

Cause I love you so much
I can't let you go.

I know you better than to hang aroud,
but I won't still let you go.
Without you I just can't breathe.

You hurt me
and I'm begging you
please stay.

I can give you
everything,
won't ask for anything.

I'll stay loving you
though you're playing me.
Cause you're my everything.
Please
just don't tell me.

Cause you see,
I know you.
I understand your mind,
I can tell what's going on but I won't say a word.
Let us both be ignorance.

I don't trust you anymore,
but stay with me,
don't leave
and it's fine baby.

You're ignoring me,
Taking me for granted
but its ok.
I just can't let you go.
I don't want you to ever leave me.

This is wrong (I know).
This is not meant to be (like this),
but I'll stay living
denying reality,
still crying silently knowing,
Just because I love you.

1

2009-09-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

I see an angel,
and I was saved.
I know now,
I have a dream
that will come true.

I feel a difference,
and I was relieved.
I realise now,
I have a promise
that will be keep.

I own trust,
and I was released.
I see now,
I have a prophecy
that will be fulfilled.

I am forgiven,
and I was free.
I am sure now,
I am destined to be me.

Feelings

2009-08-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

I love you when you smile as though you have nothing to worry about.
You are the sunshine that make my world bright and sunny.
I miss you when you told me everything will be fine.
You are my pillar of strength that will always be mine.
I need you when you understand me and helps me with no question asked.
I will always need you, coz you are my mother whom I loved the best and tresures the most..

I miss You...

2009-05-17T23:58:00.000-07:00

I miss you..
Can't you see?
I wanted to hate you,
But I know that I can't..
I hope you still love me,
I hope you sincerely care..
The sweet memories we shared,
Always here by my side.
I can't take it,
I can't take this,
You went away..
I won't believe it,
I refuse to accept you no longer cared..
I still love you, why won't you stay??
I wanted to take you away,
But I know I can't..
You're no longer here,
You're not mine.
And now I'm forcing myself to hate you,
Cause that's the only way to survive..
It hurts me to say goodbye,
It hurts me more to care for you when you no longer mine..
I miss you...
Miss you so bad.
I have to forget you,
I know you won't come back.
I need to hate you,
You no longer here..
Why should you make me fall for you?
If you were only to make me cry..
Now I'm trapped in this web you've created,
All by myself..
I miss you.

Aku dan Kamu

2009-05-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

Aku sukakan kamu.
Kamu begitu tulus, cantik.
Aku sayangkan kamu.
Kamu amat naif, suci.
Aku rindukan kamu.
Kamu begitu baik, mesra.
Aku amat tertarik dengan kamu.
Kamu sangat berbeza, istimewa.
Aku merasa amat bertuah dapat berkenalan dengan kamu.
Sesungguhnya aku amat menghargai kamu.

Kawan

2009-05-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

Kenapa kamu begitu?
Tahukah kamu jika kamu mahu,
aku sudi bersamamu
mendengar bebelan kamu dan
menemani kesunyian kamu?
Janganlah berdiam diri
Aku tahu kamu sakit
sedih
terluka dan
merana.
Jadi luahkan padaku jika kamu kecewa
Aku di sini.
Kita semua berbeza
tak mungkin sama.
Namun jangan biarkan ada tembok terbina,
tercipta antara kita.
Menjauhkan kita,
keseorangan dihanyut mimpi.
Carilah aku,
berikan aku peluang
Mengenali kamu,
Membantu kamu yang ku gelar kawan.

Dia

2009-05-13T19:58:00.000-07:00

Dia seorang yang istimewa.
Dia takkan luahkan perasaan dia yang sebenarnya,
Sebaliknya dia akan berbuat dan bercakap mengikut kemahuan atau keperluan orang lain.
Dia seorang yang bodoh, tulus dan lurus.
Dia mudah untuk mempercayai, mudah mengharap dan memaafkan.
Tapi sekali dia benar-benar dilukai,
Hatinya sekeras kerikil,
pendiriannya seteguh tembok besi,
Tak mungkin berubah,
tak mungkin sama lagi.
Dia seorang yang mesra dan manja.
Hayatilah kecantikan keikhlasan dia dan fahamilah dia.
Sesungguhnya dia satu dalam dunia ini.
Begitu mudah untuk membaca dia hanya jika kamu benar-benar mahu dan tidak terpesong, terpesona dengan dirimu sendiri.
Berilah peluang padamu dan juga dia.
Kenalilah dia insan yang bernama Nurshalliana Nordin.
Berkenalan dengan dia dan sesungguhnya kamu akan bahagia..

For You

2009-05-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

Most extraordinary you are,

So special when you smile.

Beautiful everytime you talk and laugh.

Oh my,

you must be an angel

Sent down for me

To help me through.

You stand by me when no one else did,

And I am forever thankful

Cause I know I have you by my side.

Most extraordinary you are,

So pure when you cry,

So innocent everytime you're alone and broken.

Oh dear,

I am here

So don't you worry

I won't matter.

I'll never leave you,

And though I'm out of your sight

I'll stay with you forever in your heart.

If I am

2009-05-13T13:19:00.000-07:00

If I am dreamer, you are my sweetest dream.
If I am a creator, you are my masterpiece.
If I am a musician, you are my maestro.
If I am a lover, you are my heart.
But I am indeed only a failure...

and so you will always stay as my dream...

I miss you EVERYONE...

2009-05-13T03:24:00.000-07:00

Its hard to forget..

Definitely harder to remember..

Alone

2009-01-15T04:32:00.000-08:00

Why should it hurt so much?

I just need you.

Can't you see

You make me cry

You make me bleed

again

And I still need you.

When I'm happy

When I'm sad

Everytime I need somebody

I seek you.

Why did you hurt me?

Don't you care now?

Beautiful

2009-01-14T00:37:00.000-08:00

This song entitled Beautiful portrays the innocence in human. The insecurity and sorrow we feel as well as our remarkable ability to justify ourselves and the strength to go on.
For someone who can really relate to this song, it is truly a heartrending experience the first time I listened to Beautiful. The simplicity of the lyrics delivers the complexity of the song flawlessly. For me, the timidity I felt was caused by a bitter experience I encounter when I was 12 years old. The fact that I was molested and might even be raped if I didn’t escape somewhat haunted me. I never cry then but when I listened to this song, the feeling naturally emerges itself once again and I start crying. The vivid images of him smiling seem so real and revolting. I remember the uneasiness I felt when he start smelling my hair, the fright and shock I felt when his big, dirty hands is groping my breasts. The uncertainty of what to think and how to react puzzles me but I know whatever that is happening, it is not right. So, I ran.
I consider myself “broken”. Only few people know this and over the years, I am more open to talk about it. Nevertheless, the history can never be erased. It will always be a part of me. I never know it but it is there. The song makes me realize that as human, there is always something that affect your confidence be it your physical appearance, your sexual desire or in my case your experience. It is so universal. We wanted people acceptance and support but we lived in a world where other’s perception about us is considered so important that we felt so exposed and fragile. We become too conscious about being ordinary that we thought of it as an obligation. Each and every one of us in one way or another is trying to be a part of this unrealistic play, to be accepted. We often felt disgust of ourselves when we are different though sometimes it is not even wrong. We felt ashamed that there is something that distinguishes us from others even if it is not our fault.
I’ve been blaming myself all this time for “allowing” that incident to happen but Beautiful enables me to forgive myself and it taught me to embrace my past. It gave me courage and hope. It is inevitable that one day we’re up and one day we’re down. Still, whatever that happen to me and no matter what people say about me, I am still me. For others as well, I’m sure Beautiful had taught them to be themselves. Whatever it is, we can survive. Nothing can break us if only we accept us for who we are because we are all whole in our own unique way.